Lessons are Repeated until Learned is just one of the “10 Rules for Being Human” by Dr Cherie Carter-Scott. I love this one because it makes you take a step back and look at your own patterns. There are quite a few times I looked at myself thinking, there it is again, I did not learn that yet. Today’s blog is going to provide 4 personal lessons I have learned over the last few years.
Things seem to be in a constant circle with me, and it felt like that movie “Groundhog Day”. Everything was on repeat, like the same thing every year. I had great uplifting days but then I would self-sabotage. This was a pattern for me. It could be losing weight, the way I manage money or whatever the case was. I knew what to do but I purposely sabotage myself to put me in this situation. I was being a victim in my own story and that is just what it was… a story I told myself.
The first lesson I learned was you can manifest negative in your life. I thought the word manifest was only good things happening. However, being in a negative mindset with cause those negative thoughts to become a reality. The example I have is when I was laid off my job 10 years ago. Every single January at work, we knew that they were going to have layoffs and it kind of became a joke with us. Like oh do you have your box packed up- this is the week. I would tell myself my boss likes me, that’s not going to happen to me. My actions however did not follow that reasoning. Every January, I packed my personal things and kept them under my desk. I was preparing for the worse. I was making sure my pictures were packed, printing off my friends email addresses to stay in contact, etc. Guess what? I was layed off. Back then I did not realize I manifested this happening to me. I had my pity party and played victim- why did this happen to me. Now I look back and think well I prepared for it. I told myself it would be me and mentally checked out so why be surprised when that actually happened. Putting yourself in that mindset and in that story will manifest in that way.
Lesson number 2 is about giving my power away. I gave my power away in several different ways. Being a people pleaser was who I was. I made sure that everyone else around me was happy, but I didn’t realize that that necessarily wasn’t making myself happy. So, a big lesson learned was I have to make myself happy and I can’t be responsible for everyone else’s happiness. There was someone I was great friends with at work which I now realize was an energy vampire. On the occasions when I would hear from “friend”, it felt like he was stealing my energy. Almost like, hey I’m having a bad day and I know you are a sweet person so cheer me up, hear about my life, boost my ego and then I will hang up and you won’t hear from me again until I need you to tell me again how great of an employee or person I am! I didn’t notice at the time that I wasn’t asked about anything. Hey what’s new with you? What are you working on? How are your kids? It was all about him and my free counseling session. I also didn’t realize at the time how much it affected my moods. Once I realized this, I could almost predict the day I would hear from him. If I were having a great day, full of self-confidence or excited about something in my life, that’s when I would get the call. It was like he knew my energy was high and wanted it. After the conversations I would beat myself up over it. Being Miss Sunshine to help someone feel better when I wouldn’t get the same in return. Energy Vampire. My vibration was going from super high to low. I took my power back and didn’t feel obligated to take anyone’s calls, didn’t feel obligated to lift anyone’s ego and certainly didn’t need validation from anyone but myself. I can now take a call about work from this person like any other person. Previously my stomach was in knots if I saw them calling. My body knew what my mind didn’t at the time. It was toxic and I allowed it. A narcissist loves to have their ego stroked and I was sweet and naïve. I understand now if someone is rude to me, it has nothing to do with me, rather there’s something else on their side going on.
The Taurus in me was a crazy grudge holder. It wouldn’t matter if it were a relationship from when I was a teenager to being right about an issue at work. I was hell bent on needing to know the person in the wrong had regrets. Regrets from cheating on me, dumping me, passing me over for a job, etc. I needed, no I thought I needed, that validation. A lot of times I got it. Oh Christel, you were the best thing that happened to me. Duh, yes, I know. Now I can move on with my life knowing you finally realized that! Such a stubborn, taurus trait. I wanted the satisfaction. It’s not a healthy mindset to have nor is it something I should expect from someone else. This is me needing this from myself. I needed to validate myself. Needing that validation from someone else not only gives my power away (see lesson 2) but it also made me a victim, stuck in a story, and not having self-compassion, self-love, or confidence in myself. Rejection has always been a hard pill to swallow but a good friend told me Rejection is God’s Protection. I realize now that the job I didn’t get was because something better is coming. It simply was not the time. It’s not healthy to dwell on something negative. When you do, you miss out on all the good things that are happening and should be reflecting on appreciating all that is going good.
Stop telling the negative story over and over. JJ Flizanes shared with me that an example of when something bad happens to you, you go call your friend and tell them about it and then you tell someone else about it and so on. Immediately I realized how I did this more often than I realized. Back when I was driving an hour to work in the morning, I would call my bestie and we would catch up. It seemed like most my mornings there was chaos with me, my husband, the kids, getting out the door in time, whatever the case. Another example of a Groundhog Day on repeat. I would call my friend and then just go on about what made me mad and vent. Then I pretty much set the tone so she would chime in on how her morning wasn’t ideal too. By the time we knew it we were at work and not feeling any better. After I learned about this at JJ Flizane’s event The Next Big Step, I came home, called my friend, and told her about staying in our negative stories. Going forward, we would change our conversations We won’t go and tell our co-workers and keep that story alive. Instead, we vent, we let it go and we pivot to what we appreciate from that now or something else we appreciate. Mornings no longer seems chaotic anymore once I shifted my mindset.
Milk the good stuff! Remember the next time you question why something happened, it’s because lessons are repeated until learned.
To listen to my interview on JJ Flizane’s podcast, Spirit, Purpose & Energy, click here.